I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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