I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
