I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
