I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
