I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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