Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
