I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
