So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
