No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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