omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize