Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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