And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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