Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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