I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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