u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
