shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
