That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
