I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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