Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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