i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
