I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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