who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
