first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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