I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
