If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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