Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
