Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
