Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize