My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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