you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I didn't notice because vodka
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
