Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
