she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
