Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
they need to just BURY HIM!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
