Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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