just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
