I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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