new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
