the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
