I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
