she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
its liver damage thursday
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
