If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
