your thong is hanging out like whoa
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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