Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
