Can i not drive my cunt home
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
