So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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