Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
