There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
