girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
