Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
