i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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