I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
only you would photoshop your dick
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
