I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's just like the Real World with babies
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I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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