i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
