Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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