i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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