all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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