three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
