If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Barsexuality is the new black.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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