I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
