Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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