in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
