just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
