I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
