$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
