What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
smell my finger.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
