Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
