Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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