its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
