Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just high enough for therapy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's get the cat blown out
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
