rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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