oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
