It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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