i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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