They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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