I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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