I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
