Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Congratulations! We have a period
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
