I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
