I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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