someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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